valsagszelet

Nine months, 30 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes and ticking. It shouldn't feel better and it certainly is not better. Yet, as my life is threatened day by day, I have found purpose.

And now I also understand that this was the cheapest experiment ever: To rid myself from the excesses and covets of modern life and descend into the primitive. To give up all and sink to the comforts of basic survival instincts. Frying my brain, an expression I use to justify my longing for watching endless TV shows to block my thoughts, has become my raison d'etre. I am now frying my brain every second of my life.

Living here is free from the burden of choices. No matter how lonely, sad and unmotivated I am, this power I cannot ignore. 

Good job, fair pay, improving social life. Good job, fair pay, loneliness. No savings. Dead end. 

It was on a sunny spring afternoon that I decided to quit, leave my comfortable life and start the mission. The heavy smoke of the shisha was fading my ability to think clearly, but I was tired of the limbo. I wanted things to change. My life, however successful on paper, has come to a dead end. I was depressed. My friends were not satisfying my intellectual needs and I didnt earn enough to accept the pensioner lifestyle I adopted. I had no girlfriend, not even in sight.

I was truly seeking my will: the compass within to guide and advise. To no avail.